Developed by British Psychologist, John Bowlby, the Encyclopedia Britannica explains Attachment Theory as the theory that humans are born with a need to form an close emotional bond with a caregiver and that such bond will develop during the first 6 months of the child’s life if the caregiver is appropriately responsive. 

Bowlby believed that the attachment system, as he referred to it, served 2 primary functions: 

• to protect vulnerable individuals from potential threats or harm to 
• to regulate negative emotions following threatening or harmful events.

The normative component of the Attachment Theory identifies the stimuli and contexts that normally evoke and terminate different kinds of emotions, and sequence of emotions most often experiences following certain relational events and situations.

Since Bowlby, other have evaluated and assessed the Attachment Theory, expanding and amending various elements.

One of the key difference between secure and different type of insecure individuals during later stages of development is how their negative emotions are regulated and controlled based on their beliefs and expectations about the availability of comfort from their attachment “individuals”.

• Highly secure individuals have learned from past caregiving experiences to follow “rules” that permit distress to be acknowledged and motivate them to turn toward attachment figures as sources of comfort and support.
• Highly avoidant adults, in contrast, have learned to follow rules that limit the acknowledgment of distress and encourage the use of self-reliant tactics to control and reduce negative affect when it arises.
• Highly anxious people have learned to use rules that direct their attention toward the possible source of distress, to ruminate about it, and to worry that their attachment figures will never fully meet their persistent needs for comfort and support.

There are 4 main attachment styles typically referred to in the world of psychology:

• Secure
• Avoidant
• Anxious
• Disorganized

Secure

• As a child you experienced a feeling of safety and security, provided by your primary caregivers.
• You trust your romantic partners and close friends.
• You easily express your feelings and needs.
• You seek out social support when you need it.
• You’re naturally supportive and emotionally stable.
• You have strong boundaries and a clear sense of what to do when they’re crossed.
• You see the good in yourself and others and giving others the benefit of the doubt comes easily to you.

Anxious

• As a child you may have experienced inconsistent parenting or care from your primary caregivers.
• You’re deeply caring, sensitive, empathetic and attuned to the needs of others and yourself.
• You’re wary of trusting others, even though you deeply crave the security that comes with trust.
• You may have low self-esteem, particularly when it comes to relationships.
• You’re extremely sensitive to the actions and moods of others.
• True intimacy is one of your highest values, but it doesn’t always come easily.

Avoidant

• As a child you likely had unmet needs—you came to believe that no one could make you feel safe, and that you have to do everything yourself.
• You may be turned off when a partner is too clingy or emotional.
• You value independence.
• You’re an excellent decision-maker.
• You might feel uncomfortable being vulnerable.
• You pull back when a relationship starts to get serious.

Now that you’ve identified some patterns, let’s clear some space – get rid of the fear, hurt, dysfunction, etc. – and make room for good stuff!! 

• First things first – forgive yourself for the patterns you’ve recognized. You may not have been aware of them previously or where they came from, but now that you’re acknowledging them, you can choose to release them.
• When you clear out your inner sh*t, it gives other more space to show up.

• You want to attach to others but avoid a connection at all costs.
• You want a close, intimate relationship but feel incapable of achieving, because it’s frightening.
• You’re torn between wanting to love and be loved, but you “can’t” let anyone in (for fear of being hurt).
• Such conflicting emotions bring about confusing behavior with all of your relationships; friendships, familial and romantic relationships.
• You may often get flooded with intense feelings and emotions and not know how to manage them.
• Your worry and confusion, and being unsure of your relationships can lead to self-sabotage such as leaving the relationship before you get hurt.

Remember this: Even if you learned dysfunctional and unhealthy coping methods and mechanisms, you can always learn new, healthier ones.