First, let’s define exactly what relationships are.

If you search “definition of relationships” on Chrome,  the following definition from Oxford Languages is the first listed:

• the way in which two or more concepts, objects, or people are connected, or the state of being connected.
• the state of being connected by blood or marriage.
• the way in which two or more people or groups regard and behave toward each other.

There are different types of relationships:

• Self
• Familial
• Romantic + Intimate
• Professional + Work
• Casual Acquaintances

I’m a firm believer in that the relationship we have with our self is the basis upon which all of our other relationships are built.

You may not have previously considered “self” to be an actual relationship type, lets think about that:

• Do you like yourself?
• Do you respect yourself?
• Do you love yourself?
• Do you treat yourself with kindness?
• Do you communicate with yourself?
• Do you have certain expectations of yourself.
• Do you get upset with yourself?
• Do you lose patience with yourself?
• Do you judge yourself?

These are all feelings you may have and things you may do in relationships with other people, and yes, if we’re being honest, most of us will say we have done them, or do them, with ourself.

You may not have previously recognized doing these with yourself – if you haven’t – it’s time you do and it’s to start paying attention because the way we are with ourself, the relationship we have with ourself will be reflected in those with others.

Now that we have a better understanding of our foundational relationship, let’s look at the other types:

FAMILIAL
Familial relationships can be a bit tricky because in blood-relations you’re dealing with the hand you’re dealt, involving a special type of love as well as a responsibility and behaviors. As with anything, however, there are abstracts and sometimes for safety and wellbeing, ties need to be cut. For the purposes of this training, we’re acknowledging that fact but we won’t be going into that.

Family isn’t only defined by blood-relations, there are many different sub-types included within the definition of familial relationships including children, by birth or adoption, siblings, parents, grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles, nieces and nephews, in-laws – the list goes on to include great aunts, cousins removed, and so on down the ancestral line.

Sometimes, even very close friends are often considered “family”.

Familial relationships require a very high level of patience, grace, understanding, forgiveness and responsibility built on a foundation of unconditional love – meaning – a love no matter what.

Although only certain familial relationships involve choice, most often marriages and adoptions, our method of management is reflective of our relationship with ourself, which we’ll get more into more in a bit.

ROMANTIC + INTIMATE
Romantic and intimate relationships are based on “choice”, in that they are not based on blood-relations, for the purposes of this training, I’ll be referring to boyfriend and girlfriend and husband and wife relationships.

If you’re speaking purely by rational, you get to choose, but if you’re speaking by love, emotion and attraction, it could be said that there is no choice involved.

Romantic and intimate relationships are also tricky but in a much different way.

PROFESSIONAL + WORK
With professional and work relationships, you are also managing the hand you’re dealt, however, rather than God or science, depending on your belief system, your boss is dealing the hand. 

CASUAL ACQUAINTANCES
A casual acquaintance relationship is just that, probably the most “casual” of all defined relationships because there is really no level of responsibility or commitment, as compared to familial or romantic and intimate relationships.

People you run into here and there, with a quick hello or a wave would usually fall under this relationship category, typically requiring only kindness, politeness and manners. 

Back to you – what does your relationship with you have to do with your other relationships?

Everything in our outside world is reflective of what’s going on in our inside world – we’ll get more into this later – but generally speaking, if you are not settled and solid with you, meaning secure, comfortable, trusting, etc. you aren’t going to be able to be those with anyone else. In fact, the relationship(s) you’re in can turn quite toxic, if you’re not secure in who you are there’s no way you can truly be secure with anyone else. You’ll be looking to someone else to validate you or make you feel secure which will turn in turn make you feel clingy, sticky and needy, putting a lot of unnecessary pressure on your person. And, anytime something feels a little off, you’ll be more likely to personalize it, making it your fault at which point you’ll spiral down a rabbit hole, looking for more validation, more acceptance which will make you more needy, more sticky and more clingy. 

If your internal world is chaotic and dysfunctional, your outside world is going to be the same. 

You’ll spend your life looking for what you need from you – from other people, inadvertently putting pressure on them to fix or provide what your looking for when it’s no one else’s responsibility but yours. 

If you seem to attract unavailable men? It’s because you are unavailable to you.

If you always attract “this” type of guy? Look deep into yourself and you will find the “this” you are attracting, in yourself.

I don’t mean to sound harsh, and I’m not trying to be ugly, these are things most of us have had to overcome. For generations, women have been taught and conditioned to believe that men were the providers, the fixers, that men validate us and decide our worth and our value.

I’m here to tell you that that’s a bunch of bs and no way for a woman to live. That’s no way for us to raise strong and secure daughters.

This is where we make change. This is where we stop the generational-dysfunction. This is where we connect with ourself.

You are the source of everything you need. Not someone else. You.

Something else to think about, we treat most people better than you we treat ourselves. Have you ever thought of that? 

Putting a fork in the “I’ll feel better when” concept –

For most of my life I lived in the “I’ll feel better when” mindset. I thought that’s how it worked.  But I finally learned that that’s not the case at all. The way it works is actually, “When I feel better, then –

For example, I’ll feel better when I get a different job. Or, when I get into a relationship I’ll feel better. Or, when I lose 10 pounds I’ll feel better. Yes, physically you may feel more comfortable for a minute, but mentally and emotionally, no, you won’t and you’ll eventually find yourself with those gaining back those pesky 10 lbs again.

This isn’t how it works at all. When you feel better with you – as you are – with whatever you have to work with — that’s the key.

You have to feel better first for the positive changes to start occurring or be reflected back to you.

We’ll get into this a little deeper into this, but what I want to send home today is – you have to be good with you before you can be good with anyone else and for any other goodness to occur.

Last thing for today – all relationships take work, the good ones, and the bad ones. Trusting someone, learning to communicate, etc. builds good relationships. Manipulation, co-dependence, etc. creates bad ones. It’s up to you what kind of relationships you want to build. This training, will help you to identify the type of relationship you’re currently, or which type you want to be in.